food: the new substance of abuse?

i've been overweight for a little over five years already. okay, so i've hit a glorious time when i WAS actually back to my old size 6, but that didn't last long. boo.

i always considered myself a stress eater- that is, the worse life is for me, the more i eat. this post-boards period sort of showed me the truth: no, i am not a stress eater. in fact, the happier i am, the more i eat. then again, the sadder i am, the more i eat too. haha!! this is actually one of the happiest few months of my life, and i'm STILL EATING.

omg. wala akong excuse! haha!

so why do i eat? i think i eat out of habit. the morning must bring breakfast, midmorning a snack, lunchtime is called LUNCHtime for a reason, my tummy gets rumbly by mid-afternoon, and of course, dinnertime brings dinner. but no, i'm not done yet! midnight snacks do not have to happen at midnight exactly. ;) horrible, horrible. haha! but wow, i've lived this way for all my life.

i used to dance A LOT, so i could get away with having a big mac for a snack. thing is, i kept eating like a dancer long after i stopped burning energy like one. i feel a bit stupid for not making the connection then- but what did a silly girl who was thin for most of her life know about maintaining the shape she took for granted?

in light of this new insight, i decided to take a new approach to dieting. the CAGE questionnaire from Psychiatry (i love pretending that i actually studied for the preresidency exam. mwahahaha!) is actually used to screen for alcohol abuse. well, can we use it for food abuse too?

let's try it:

1. Have you ever wanted to Cut down on your drinking (eating)? YES.

2. Have you ever felt Annoyed by criticism of your drinking (eating)? YES.

3. Have you ever felt Guilty about drinking (eating)? YES.

4. Have you ever taken a drink (snack) as an "Eye opener" (to prevent the shakes)? NO.

two or more "yes" answers should arouse suspicion of abuse.

okay. that was embarrassing.

all right. so there's food abuse going on here. i don't need all the food i'm putting in my mouth, no matter how much i enjoy it.

so how do we break the habit? by creating new ones! i can't not eat right? so i should be able to change what i eat. ang hirap naman. haha!

all right. i'm starting today. i will drop sugar drinks and too much rice (namely, more than 1 cup) unless it's a special occasion. para naman hindi ako deprived. haha! ang hirap naman. haha! but no, baby steps lang ito. water is the drink of choice, and rice must be limited. ;)

it takes 28 days to make a habit; so i have 28 days to favor water over all else, and cut rice consumption. let's go! :D

where there is no shifting out

the timing is always perfect. from a few days to a week before a rotation ends, i'm always SO EXCITED to shift out, no matter how much fun i'm having in a given rotation. why? because it's a chance to do something new, think of other things. while there is one general approach to sick people, each specialty is exactly that- special. a new mindset and a new set of differentials make me happy, especially those month(s) long rotations that just leave you tired of doing the same thing over and over again, every three days.

then i graduate and have to choose a specialty, a residency program. then that's supposed to be my WHOLE FRIKKING LIFE. it's like getting married without the big party and gown, pero sana in love ka sa chosen specialty mo- because THERE IS NO SHIFTING OUT.

for the rest of your life, your specialty will be your specialty. this scares me, even though i think i've chosen the right path in the face of a lot of judgment and a lot of blatant dissipation of interest once i state my choice. i honestly feel like i'm committing myself to the same rotation FOREVER. some might think that if you're sufficiently in love with your specialty, you won't notice the monotony, etc. well those people probably have excellent powers of concentration, or are workaholics obsessed with their life's work. ew.

this scares me, but i have to remember that i'm not even in a residency program yet. bruha, natatakot ka pa e baka hindi ka pa tanggapin. :P also, our residents kept telling us that residency is nothing like being a med student, and that being a med student is waaaaaaay better. okay, that's hardly comforting, but it just shows that i don't know what i'm talking about YET.

however, one difference i'm hoping for in residency that is not present in being a med student is the idea that i can move on with my life. residents can get married and have kids. they can request leaves and may even go on forced leaves. that sounds good. i've always felt that med school put my life on hold. maybe residency won't do the same to me.

there may be no shifting out, but my life can go on. that's a big thing.