ang mga pangarap ng batang doktor

ever since first year med school, kasama na sa walang kwentang pangarap ko ay tumanggap ng buhay na manok mula sa pasyente.

but no, instead of a live chicken, i receive live crabs!!!! hahaha!



cooking them was an adventure- i had to call our cook at home to ask how to do it. then the actual cooking began.

sino ang mas tanga: yung boyfriend who initiated the nakipag-sword fight with a spatula against an irate crab and its lone claw, or the girlfriend na pumalit sa kanya? hahahaha! anyway, we managed to stuff the crabs in the pot- i did it at first, but then naawa ako when i saw them struggling, so i asked boyfriend to put the rest in. haha!

it was a good (free!) dinner. :D i love being able to bring home food i worked for, literally! :D :D :D

food: the new substance of abuse?

i've been overweight for a little over five years already. okay, so i've hit a glorious time when i WAS actually back to my old size 6, but that didn't last long. boo.

i always considered myself a stress eater- that is, the worse life is for me, the more i eat. this post-boards period sort of showed me the truth: no, i am not a stress eater. in fact, the happier i am, the more i eat. then again, the sadder i am, the more i eat too. haha!! this is actually one of the happiest few months of my life, and i'm STILL EATING.

omg. wala akong excuse! haha!

so why do i eat? i think i eat out of habit. the morning must bring breakfast, midmorning a snack, lunchtime is called LUNCHtime for a reason, my tummy gets rumbly by mid-afternoon, and of course, dinnertime brings dinner. but no, i'm not done yet! midnight snacks do not have to happen at midnight exactly. ;) horrible, horrible. haha! but wow, i've lived this way for all my life.

i used to dance A LOT, so i could get away with having a big mac for a snack. thing is, i kept eating like a dancer long after i stopped burning energy like one. i feel a bit stupid for not making the connection then- but what did a silly girl who was thin for most of her life know about maintaining the shape she took for granted?

in light of this new insight, i decided to take a new approach to dieting. the CAGE questionnaire from Psychiatry (i love pretending that i actually studied for the preresidency exam. mwahahaha!) is actually used to screen for alcohol abuse. well, can we use it for food abuse too?

let's try it:

1. Have you ever wanted to Cut down on your drinking (eating)? YES.

2. Have you ever felt Annoyed by criticism of your drinking (eating)? YES.

3. Have you ever felt Guilty about drinking (eating)? YES.

4. Have you ever taken a drink (snack) as an "Eye opener" (to prevent the shakes)? NO.

two or more "yes" answers should arouse suspicion of abuse.

okay. that was embarrassing.

all right. so there's food abuse going on here. i don't need all the food i'm putting in my mouth, no matter how much i enjoy it.

so how do we break the habit? by creating new ones! i can't not eat right? so i should be able to change what i eat. ang hirap naman. haha!

all right. i'm starting today. i will drop sugar drinks and too much rice (namely, more than 1 cup) unless it's a special occasion. para naman hindi ako deprived. haha! ang hirap naman. haha! but no, baby steps lang ito. water is the drink of choice, and rice must be limited. ;)

it takes 28 days to make a habit; so i have 28 days to favor water over all else, and cut rice consumption. let's go! :D

it's finished! :D

the frog princess, md na talaga! :D :D :D

congratulations upcm 2010! :D

here's to living the dream! :D :D :D

don't you get it?

you're living the dream!

that's what i kept telling myself during five of the most upsetting, most difficult years of my life. it was during these five years that i first felt AND knew the exact times when i was speaking without thinking, or i end up phrasing a lot of things badly, making myself look mean, or even worse, stupid. this was also the time when i had the distinct sensation of learning, BUT i'm not able to translate that learning into practice all the time. trina, think before you speak! it's harder than it seems. haha!

then we come to board review, applications for residency, and actually taking the boards.

not knowing how all this is going to turn out, if your hard work is going to pay off or not is driving everyone crazy (i think). haha! at least, it's driving me crazy. i love going over med school topics and learning so many new things, as well as revisiting what i've forgotten. the problem really is remembering everything for just four days of your life for just one set of make or break exams. panic!

but once again-

don't you get it? you're living the dream!

as a member of class 2007 told me when i was still in college, "no one wants to be a med student." everyone wants to be a doctor. but being a doctor means you go through being a med student. then i was told to think about it. apparently i didn't think hard enough. haha!

so, years later, i would end up telling an aspiring doctor the same thing. i also told her that while i knew that the time would come when i wouldn't want it anymore, i knew i'd regret it if i didn't go for it. i wonder what she'll decide. haha!

in the meantime, i'll go on living the dream- with my patho brs, where i'm 4 chapters and a day behind. haha!

why i love my boyfriend part 1

on eating A LOT:

"try stopping yourself. then when you succeed you realize you can control yourself.

that makes you more confident.

then you build on that,

and do more."

na-inspire niya ko. haha!

-hugs-

there has to be more to me than an appalling lack of eq and self-control. :)