i don't own this picture.

credits to whoever owns this. hehe.

i read somewhere that when chains are removed, the prisoner doesn't quite know what to do.
getting out of training kind of left/leaves me out of sorts now.

i feel like i gave up so much for training, for the future. it was always an investment to me. it was always for "next time," "someday," "when i graduate."

well, next time never really comes. someday doesn't either. but i graduated. i am free.

it feels like a hollow victory in that i don't feel that i have much to show for it.

i suppose i do. my irrational number of diplomas, with my latest one stuck in some office, unclaimed. like i didn't work for it. like i don't want it.

i feel that i missed out on a lot of things, and that it was because of my life choices. well, it was, but not in the way i thought. i chose to miss those, i chose to give those up. i chose to be lazy.

is it too late?

cliche says no. brain says no. heart says no. motivation says yes.

so ambivalent towards everything now.

i'm too young to be tired, but too old to be slow.

kaloka lang.

i think i need a new adventure. i think i need to fall in love with something again.

just to get me off my ass.